私は何のためにブログを書いてるんだろう？
誰かのため？
自分のため？
やりたいことを実現するため？
ブログは誰かに声を届ける手段のひとつ。
だけど、私の１番の理由は「誰かのため」ではなく自分のためだ。
誰かに届いてほしいから書く
のではなく、
誰かに届けたいから書く
誰かに見てほしい
のではなく
私から出た言葉を誰かに知ってもらいたい
似てるようでちょっと違う。
大阪に出てきた１番の理由は「ここにいたら私の人生だめになる」だった
子どもの頃、北海道釧路市で育ったのだけど、中学３年で大阪に出てきた１番の理由は「ここにいたら私の人生だめになる」だった（釧路の人すみません）
大きな夢があったし、自分自身の人生にとてつもないスケールの希望を描いてた私にとって、田舎で思春期を過ごすことはありえないと思った。子どもながらに。
釧路にいた頃から、ここに田中美帆という人間が生きていて、こんなことを考えているってことをたくさんの人に知ってほしいって思ってた。
たぶん「生きた証」をより多く残したかったのかな？よくわからないけどたぶんそんなかんじ。
芸能人と私の違いはなに？
それらを叶えられるのは、テレビの中の「芸能人」くらいしかできないと思ったから、私は芸能人になりたくて仕方なかった。それ以外の職種には全く興味がなかった。
テレビの生放送をみるたびにテレビに出てる人と私との違いはなんなんだろう？この人たちは今頃緊張してたりするのかな？私はパジャマを着てぼーっとテレビを見てる。すごいギャップ。同じ時間軸なのに。なんて真剣に考えたりもした。
芸能人じゃなくても発信できる時代になった
今の時代、私があの頃望んでいたことを叶えるツールがたくさん揃ってる。ブログもそうだしSNSもそう。
芸能人じゃなくても自分はこうゆう人間だ！こうゆうことを考えてるんだ！って発信して、そこに共感してくれる人がいいねをつけてくれたり読者になってくれる世界ができた。
ちょっと考えや生き方が常識とずれていたとしても、８割が「なし！」と思っても２割が「わかる！」って思ってくれたりする。
最近もすごく熱いメッセージをもらって、ほんまに嬉しかった。届く人には届くんだなって。
ありのままの自分を発信
インスタでおしゃれ風な写真と一言さらり～な写真集的な投稿をしようしたことがあるけど、そんなキャラじゃないから続かなかった。
たとえネット上でも自分を見繕うのが苦手なのは昔から。
田中美帆っていうひとりの人間がこの時代に生まれ、こんなことを考えてこうやって生きてきたよってことをネット上に残していきたいなって思っています。ありのままの自分で。
MIEまとめ
いつの日か、孫やひ孫がネットでばぁばブログやってたらしいで！とか言いながら過去記事見て「へー。こんな人やったんやー」とか読んでくれたら面白いなーなんて、思いながら今日もブログを書いています。
いつも読んでくれてありがとう。
では！
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